Okay this is a looonnnggg post… there are three emails… I never responded to any of them…. um…. A for effort I guess?

S10driver3408/05/2009 - 7:55pm

Fair warning, I tend to write really long emails and I tend to ramble endlessly and go off on tangents, so if you actually read through this entire email then you will have earned about 20 gold stars in my book.

Just thought I would warn you ahead of time. Heh…

Anyway hello, my name is Paul and I am from New Castle. After reading your profile I thought I would take a chance and say hello.

A little about me. I enjoy listening to music, going to the movies, watching the Phillies, spending time outdoors whether it be getting in my pickup truck and going on a random road trip or just going to the park, relaxing with a good book or going for a walk by the water or laying in the back of my truck and looking up at the stars, thinking about things such as our place in the universe and other stuff that would make me sound like a total geek.

I also enjoy video games, probably a bit too much more than I should although admittedly I don’t play them nearly as much as I once did. I do have just about every system that has ever been made but my the original Playstation has a special place in my heart as well as the original Nintendo. Among the games I enjoy playing are Mario, Zelda, Tetris (can be totally addicting and such a good time killer!) and I love a good RPG such as Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts. FPS like Doom, Halo and Duke Nukem are great to come home and play when you’ve had a bad day and just wanna blast something.

I’m rather shy and quiet when first meeting someone; however, I do tend to warm up quickly to the point that it’s nearly impossible to get me to shut up once I am in my comfort zone. I have a great sense of humor. A love of laughter and joking around. However my sense of humor can come off as being a bit sarcastic at times and often I have to explain to others that if I don’t like you, I wouldn’t pick on you. I guess sometimes I can be hard to read but I don’t see why. I will do just about anything for a friend, even a total stranger, and my giving nature has led me to being hurt from time to time. As I said before, I love to joke around and I love a good debate and I like to antagonize. I do know there is a time and a place for being serious and I can do that but at the same time, life is just way too short not to enjoy it.

Now the sappy part… I enjoy hugs, and the close contact of snuggling. As funny as this may sound I actually miss cuddling more than I miss sex. Just the feeling of closeness and being with someone you care about. Laying in bed together and talking or just losing yourself in their eyes (mine are brown by the way lol). I’m a firm believer that you don’t go to bed angry because none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. I believe in talking things through, saying “I love you” not only with words but with actions, whether it be a random phone call in the middle of the day just to say hey I’m thinking about you or going to the grocery store together, food shopping and sneakily (is that a word?) buying one of those sappy greeting cards and filling it out to give when you get back out to the car.

I’m not a huge television watcher anymore. I mostly use the DVR to record anything I am going to watch even if I am home that day so I can watch and fast forward through the commercials later on. I love watching shows about the paranormal such as Ghost Adventures and Paranormal State and my guilty pleasure is watching the cartoon Phineas and Ferb on the Disney Channel.

Oh and another guilty pleasure, I’m really looking forward to seeing the next Harry Potter movie. Was gonna see it last week but the friend I took to the movies wanted to see Orphan instead.

As for what I am looking for… I would be happy just finding someone to share my life with, someone to complement me. Someone to share the good times, the bad times, the laughs and tears with. I would also be happy just to find new friends, can never have enough of them right?

I do like walking in the rain. Actually one time I embarrassed my best friend on her birthday by taking her to the park on her birthday. She was bummed because her fiancee forgot it was her birthday. As we got there it started to rain and her mood just seemed to get more depressing so I took the umbrella I was carrying and started dancing a little with it then singing Fred Astaire’s Singing in the Rain. The look on my friend’s face was PRICELESS! She tried running away from me so I started singing louder and dancing funnier and “accidentally” slipped into a puddle. She laughed her ass off and all in all I think I made her day somewhat better.

I guess I am the type of guy who isn’t going to be afraid of making a fool of himself to cheer up a friend. heh..

If there is anything you would like to know about me or if you would like to chat, feel free to drop me an email. I guess this goes without saying but I would really like the chance to chat and get to know you better.

Thanks for taking the time to read this email and I hope to hear from you soon!

Best wishes

S10driver3408/06/2009 - 8:58am

Hey

Saw you checked out my profile, just wanted to say hello! Hope you have a great day lil lady!

Best wishes

S10driver3408/07/2009 - 8:47pm

I get that you probably don’t want to talk to me.. So yeah I do wanna thank you for at least reading my messages. Truth is I looked at your profile. Thought you were absolutely gorgeous and I loved how your sense of humor came across in what you wrote on your profile.

Anyway this will be my last message to you. Best of luck in your search!

People… People! Do NOT write a singles Profile which has your existential philosophy for the culture of online dating and women and men…. is this working out for you???

He Writes:

A first date would be really simple, some place where we can talk
Maybe a bite to eat, like I said nothing too big, once we get to know each other and realize that we like each other then we go all out

This is why these types of web sites kill me and I don’t like them
You got these women who been hurt countless times in their lives and now they get on this sites honestly really wanting a nice guy for all of the right reasons
But then after being on for a little bit they got these player type dudes coming at them all day everyday spitting that game at me and they let it go to there heads.
All day long their hearing how beautiful they are and why are they single, knowing damn well its all game and all dude wants to do is get in there pants and then keep it moving. But I guess to some all attention is good attention even when its negative and for all the right reasons and half of the type even when they know deep down that the dude is lying lol.
And you get so use to hearing game, get so use to a guy telling you whatever it is he thinks you want to hear that you no longer know how to handle a real honest guy.
They don’t get or understand that the only reason why what this guy is saying sounds so good and perfect is because he says it all day long to every woman he meet!
And god forbid you meet a guy that speaks from the heart and it doesn’t sound like a perfect romance novel script then your not feeling him.
God forbid if he doesn’t put a bunch of fake pictures up or spend hours writing the perfect information for his page lol.

So if you’re a woman who lets this online attention go to your head, and your all c ocky from it, and you would rather so fake guy that only wants to get you in bed as long as he looks ok and tells you what you want to hear over these really nice guys who may not be perfect but will be there next week, please don’t contact me.

If you’re a serial dater, please don’t contact me, fall for a certain man, not just a man
If your 40 something years old still asking a guy what type of car does he drive please don’t contact me
If your in your late 30’s or 40’s and your up in the clubs letting guys young enough to be your son grid all up on you and loving it, please don’t contact me
And think honestly thinking that he wants you for more then just a booty call LOL

If every guy you dated in the past few years only been men you met online, please don’t contact me

Everyone else I would love to get to know you.
Yes I live alone, yes I drive, yes I work LOL
Not just looking for a hook up or a booty call, guess I’m looking to really get to know someone and just see where it goes from there (No Expectations)

SO he says all that about not being into game but this was his first email to me:

Hey good morning beautiful
Just took a look at your page and loved your pictures
I really would like the chance to get to know you, your a very beatuiful woman

isnt that…..game?

Mind Kids…. this was only a second conversation we had… the first lasted maybe 5 minutes…. :)

Him:

what did you dop today?

Jen:

mainly recovering from last night
i was out until very late
dancing
u?

Him:

kinda same here. was on date, she flat out said we didn’t have chemistry

Jen:

yeah it happens

Him:

on way home a super drunk friends wanted me to see her
Jen:
really? like to hook up?

Him:

friend. i think she was horny and drunk drunk is turn off

Jen:
hmmm so did you go?

Him:

no, i got out of it
i think i’ll swear off sex

Jen:
yeah no fun screwing someone half concious

i guess

swear off sex? why?

Him:

it hasn’t brougth me any good
i get attached to people who don’t give ashit or worse

Jen:
wow. your candor is refershing
sounds likve youve been hurt a lot

Him:
oh yeah. although refreshingly honest last night, it hurt a bit
woulda been worse if she waited to tell me afterwards though. so i respect that yet i don’t understand how you can snap judge like that within a night
unless i said heil hitler and she was jewish. but why want to be friends?


if she said there wasnt chemistry
it migth have been her polite way of saying she wasn’t attracted to me

its just compatibility thats all
and thats ok too :)


you’d think after 8 almost 9 years, i’d have dated someone for more than 1 date

Jen:

you have not gone beyond more than one date in the past 8 years?

him:
my opinion, anymore, is i am not worth it
6 months, 6 months, 4 mnths, 5 dates, 1 month- after those, it’s all one daters

jen:
why do you think that is?

Him:
sorry i’m all low s.o.
if there is a trend maybe you can ask them what it was

the drunk anorexic who calls me for booty calls i won’[t grant is the only thing i have close to a rleationship (and i haven’t seen her in 2 years, so i wonder why she keeps calling)
and you can work on her girl-catching skills?

Jen:
i dont know what to tell you
:(

Him:don’t worry. no more sex. i’m acce[pting it now

Jen:but it sounds like maybe you could brush up on your relationship skills?

Him:
um, i guess if given a chance
first 6 months had to do with an std my ex gave me getting passed on
(tmi, sorry- and it’s just hpv- non-cancerous) 2nd 6 months
i was afraid to pas it on to her so for 6 months i slept with her but avoided sex
4 months, got over fear of passing and after talking abut it, wore a condom and stopped fretting about it
but she broke up with me becasue she was getting a phd, whereas i was working towards an associates. now bachelors
(self-0confidence issue there, as she was highly intelligent)
5 dates- i don’t know. we made out one night, next week, we went back to a sweet kiss and it was over
1 month- that was someone who had both a fear of kissing and vag-a-something that made stuff tight and uncomfortable. i.e. no kissing no sex
i.e. why she was looking to meet men was beyond me
so

Jen: dude this all sounds weird to me

Him:
if i find someone who will take a chance, i will “work on it” as you say
it is weird
ive never had these kinds of relationships
but that’s it
that’s why i negelcetd them at first and said 8-9 years becasue they don’t really count
i sure do find them
so i reevaluate. it’s me, not them. if i take sex out of the euasion, i’ll find more satisfaction
reasonable?

Jen:i think your issue may be the kind of women you are attracting

Him:how am i attracting them?

Jen:
find the lesson in this

Him:
so i am “damned.” great way of thinking. gee, in next life it will be better

Jen:uh.
no.
jeez
stop playing victim dude

Him:
no that you are repeating something
i’m not victim. i’m owning this. no sex. just friends

for some reason and its your job to igure it out so you stop doing it to yourself over and over again
i will ask out big fat hookers, then. that’s the key- i’ve only asked women i am attracted to who aren’t attracted to me.
thanks ;)
hs educations not needed

i heard that they can erase memories now, like in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
if i can afford it, i’d like to erase that last real relationship i had
because i was in love. real love
and felt betrayed that my love got me what it did


wow.
uh
once again, tmi
i apologize

You do look like Kari from “Mythbusters” and yes, she is hot … which makes you, well, hot … :) Cool show too ..
Actions


Jenna:

hahahaha well thank you for the round about compliment :) lol i see you like redheads… we tend to have a fan following it would seem :) looks like you are looking for everything except a serious or monogamous relationship… fascinating was it always that way?



An image of upforeverything Today - 2:28pm

you are welcome … It seemed a lot more interesting than just saying “you’re hot” .. :)
Well, I have one of them so not in the market for another one .. :)~ Just on here playing around and seeing if there are any interested playmates .. for just friends or more.

Jenna:

ahhh……. i see said the blind man pissing in the wind.. it all comes back to me now



An image of upforeverything 56 minutes ago

hahahahaha … that is hilarious … hope I didn’t hit you with too much? :)~ I’d like to look at it more like just having some fun and prefer to be honest about it, right up front. I don’t message every woman I come across, as a matter of fact there don’t see to be many on here that appear to be attractive and fun but I thought you looked and sounded like both. After you dry off, I hope you decide that having some fun with me on here, might be interesting and I hear back from you … ask yourself this one question … what would “Kari” do? ;)

Jenna:

well i can certainly respect you for being up front about it… I know its none of my “bidness” but I wonder if your lady knows about it too? I dont judge people who are polyamorous/swingers as long as everything is on the up and up.

As for myself thats not what Im about… I am shitloads of fun…. but not about casual sex… sky diving? yes. random adventures throughout the city? ahh yeah…. sucking random cock? heelllz no ;)




He responded with:



It is sort of an unspoken, don’t ask, don’t tell kinda thing ..

sucking random cock? hahaha I gotta be honest, I’ve never heard anyone put it that way …. I certainly wouldn’t expect you to suck my cock until at least the second time we got together though … :)~

Honestly though, it’s not all about that …I mean, if on the rare occasion it actually gets to the point of meeting someone and actually fooling around, I’m up for that, in the right situation .. but it’s more usually just flirting and making new friends.

So, I take it you like sucking cock though? I’m just guessing since that is the first thing that must have come to mind, when you thought about sex with a random person .. :)

………………………

Was it that incredibly inobvious that I was being sarcastic about the sucking cock comment? I think this Dude is headed somewhere hot….populated with demons…

Okay… so this guy actually had an interesting profile so I went ahead and sent him an email basically saying that his was refreshingly honest and I liked what he had to say… I kept it at one paragraph.

This….. yes….. all of this….. was the response……

I’m not sure how to take myself, or how other people should take me, so you’re not alone :-) My honesty I think isolates me much of the time, and it’s also a balancing act of when and how honest to be, particularly on sensitive topics, with sensitive people, and/or with thoughts or opinions that are not easily verbalized, or that I’m not sure where they’re going ahead of time (since I tend to think aloud almost exclusively, any by exclusively I mean, instead of thinking silently, and with an almost complete inability to censor or filter what I say in a meaningful way.

I sometimes prefer writing for that reason, though I love both, but at least with writing I don’t have the time pressure or the problem of wanting to interrupt people so I don’t forget what I was going to say in response or whatnot.

In that spirit, I’ll tell you I’m interested in meeting you, will be struggling with how to avoid scaring you off with the overwhelming force of my fast talking, overanalytical style, complete lack of flirting or smalltalk skills (though I’m not quite without social skills, at least not as much as I used to be), will appreciate your taking the lead and telling me to shut the hell up as needed and/or when and how I misstep, as I probably will.


Also, despite a pretty decent social life and some awesome friends and a pretty close family, I’m probably starved of intimacy and emotional connection in some bizarre and labyrinthine fashion.

I haven’t had a relationship longer than five or six months, and in retrospect I ended that one badly, though probably with good reason.

Oh, and I’m presently unemployed,

as I got laid off from my SW development job in April, and am now trying to figure out what the hell to do next in this awful economy, and whether and how I can better treat my ADHD, which is more or less of a day-to-day issue for me depending on how structured/complicated/ted

ious etc what I need to work on is.

Oh, and I have a second profile on OKC that’s much older, but I hate the username… I didn’t want to delete it, but everyone takes the handle the wrong way I think.
I also put up a whole diatribe on the top of that one about a decision/idea I had a few months ago about polyamoury, though nothing’s come of it since then, and I’m not really sure how I feel about it as a practical matter, but its something I’m open to FYI. I’ll send you the name for that if you haven’t run screaming and you bother to write back to this :-)

How’s that for salesmanship? eh? Am I every girl’s dream, or what?

That said, I do have a lot of good to offer the right person, but I can never figure out who that person might be, what that relationship might look like… You found me though and had a strong reaction, so that’s as good a starting point as any. Look forward to hearing from you,


needless to say I did not aim to encourage another response like this one!

So my  friend Gary, profoundly moved by the genius which is cheeseman decided to make a profile of our very own cheesegirl. I am going to ask you to please click on the link to read her profile firrst before reading the responses she got from various men….

As Gary put it in his dry British-humorly way, “Jen its to show you what fucking dogs men are.”

:P

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/BrieBabe/





Ok…. did you read our lucious BrieBabe?

Ok! now for the responses!!!



response number one:

njguy908 07/02/2009 - 6:24pm

how are you. my name is anthony. i read your profile and you seem pretty interesting, in a good way of course. being a lover of fine wine, fine women, and more of a selective lover of cheese, i figured we would get along pretty well. anyway check out my profile, let me know what you think.


response number two:

Jonnyfb 07/02/2009 - 12:37am

just to clarify, did you say you didnt want a wierdo, and you didnt want someone who thought they could get you into bed on the first date? cause im pretty sure i can, so i dont want to seem like a weirdo for saying that, if thats not what you wanted. and im jon by the way.


response number three:

so you make or fake the brie?
Just a question

Swiss Cheese guy cant keep his ladies straight! I guess when it’s you, your cheese and women are the mere cheese…ahem….holders… I can definately understand that the finer points gleaned from occassional note taking of “Scent of a Woman” is lost on him… unless that scent be of.. well you get the point…

Life_is_LOL:Want to make some extra money?

Sasaphrazz:sure! i love money

Life_is_LOL:I have is fetish were I like to have sex with Swiss cheese, but I also like to have girls participate by wrapping slices of Swiss cheese around my penis, and providing the action, by stroking me, still interested?

Sasaphrazz:hmmm… how much?

Life_is_LOL:50, is that ok with you?

Sasaphrazz:for how long?

Life_is_LOL:20 minutes

Sasaphrazz:thats all I’d have to do?

Life_is_LOL:yes

Sasaphrazz:do you get a lot of takers on that offer?

Life_is_LOL:yes

Sasaphrazz:dont you have a regular? or is it you like a variety of women to do that?

Life_is_LOL:I like a varity of women

Sasaphrazz:i cant say I would do it but your fetish sure is curious

Sasaphrazz:why dont you go to adultfriendfinder.com for this kind of thing?

Life_is_LOL:what’s holding you back?

Sasaphrazz:um…. your penis and my hand

Sasaphrazz:with only a little slice of cheese between them

Sasaphrazz:greasy! :)